Old and ageing abused by their own Children

PETALING JAYA: When his son left him at a bus station, John (not his real name) waited patiently for him to return. Five hours later, he was still waiting. Passers-by noticed him and called the police.

The 72-year-old man has dementia and was sent to hospital. Medical social workers managed to get him to recall his son’s telephone number.

When they called John’s son, he did not want to take his father home.

People like John are vulnerable to abuse and neglect, and he is not eligible for government shelter for the elderly because he still has a family.

John is among many Malaysian elderly folk who are facing abuse and neglect. According to a study, one in 10 urban elderly Malaysian is abused, with financial abuse being the most common.

The survey by a team of researchers from the Department of Social and Preventative Medicine under Universiti Malaya’s Medical Faculty said psychological abuse was the next most common followed by physical abuse.

“A pilot survey was done among the urban poor in Kuala Lumpur in 2012 involving 291 individuals above the age of 60. There were elders living in low-cost government-subsidised flats. Of the total, 9.6% said they experienced one or more forms of abuse within the last 12 months of the survey,” said Dr Noran Naqiah Hairi.

By S. Indramalar The Star/Asia News Network

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Dr Noran is leading the Prevent Elder Abuse and Neglect Initiative (Peace) with her colleague Dr Clare Choo.

The team also found that one in 20 rural elders have experienced abuse based on a survey they did among 2,000 respondents in Kuala Pilah, Negri Sembilan.

The most common abuse reported among rural elders is psychological followed by financial.

Anita (not her real name) is a subject of financial abuse. As she has arthritis, she found it difficult to go to the bank. Her son persuaded the 68-year-old retired clerk to give him the authority to handle her finances.

Soon after, he got his widowed mother to sign over her house to him.

“I didn’t want to, but I was bullied into signing my house over. He kept accusing me of not trusting him.

“At first, everything was all right. But then he began investing my money in all kinds of ventures. I have no say in what he does with my money. When I ask him, it gets unpleasant.

“But I am worried what will happen when my money runs out,” laments Anita, who lives with her son in Petaling Jaya.

Still, she would never report her son because elder abuse is not a topic Malaysians discuss openly.

Deputy Women, Family and Com­munity Development Minister Datin Paduka Chew Mei Fun admits that reported figures do not paint the actual picture.

“These are only the cases that come to us. There may be more that we do not know of,” she said.

Most of elder abuse cases go unreported as many see it as a “family problem” which can be dealt with behind closed doors.

Only 23 cases of elder abuse and neglect were reported in the past three years, according to statistics from the ministry.

The study, however, shows it is far more prevalent.

“The Peace study is the first of its kind in Malaysia and it corroborates prevalence rates of elder abuse and neglect in other Asian countries which range from 14% to 27.5%,” added Dr Noran.

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More Malaysians are being declared bankrupt!

JOHOR BARU: Young Malaysians are being declared bankrupt because they spend more than they earn, says Minister in the Prime Minister’s Department Nancy Shukri (pic).

This trend was worrying because most of them had just started working but already had debt problems, she added.

“This younger generation are supposed to be the next leaders. Instead, we have those who are already facing financial difficulties at a very young age,’’ she told a press conference after opening an information programme for young people at the Home Ministry complex at Setia Tropika here yesterday.

Quoting figures from the Insolvency Department, she said there was an increase in the number of young Malaysians being declared bankrupts in the past five years.

She said there were nearly 22,000 cases last year, an increase from about 13,200 in 2007.

Within the first six months of this year, more than 12,300 young Malaysians had been declared bankrupt. They include 3,680 women.

“On the average, 70.22% of the cases are men,” said Nancy, adding that most of them have outstanding debts of RM30,000 or more and could not afford to settle their dues.

She said the high bankruptcy rate among Malaysians at a young age mainly resulted from defaulting on instalment payments on car, housing and personal loans.

Nancy said there had been celebrities who were also declared bankrupt but most of them declined to seek assistance from the Insolvency Department.

She added that aside from the department, those who have problems managing their finances could seek advice from the Credit Counselling and Debt Management Agency.

The Star/Asia News Network

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Youngsters lured by power, money and glamour !

Peddling drugs: Crime offenders are not just getting younger but also more aggressive, preferring ‘high-risk, big-gain’ offences to petty crime.

Serious crimes are no longer just committed by hardened criminals. There has been a rise in the number of cases involving teenagers and youngsters.

BOON was only 16 when he was recruited by a gang. Within months, he was peddling the party drug “ice” at nightspots. “I rose up the ranks very fast and was given the nickname ‘Tiger’.

“The gang leader trusted me and I was even allowed to help ‘manage the girls’ (prostitutes),” recalls the school dropout who comes from a broken home.

Married at the age of 20, Boon decided to leave his life of crime and is now working as a dishwasher in the United Kingdom.

“My wife left me and I have a little daughter to think about now. I need to earn enough to ensure a good future for her,” he adds.

Boon believes that if he had not walked away as he did then, he would have “progressed” to heavier crimes and probably end up in jail.

Lured by power, money and glamour, more teenagers and other youngsters are getting involved in serious crimes and living on the edge. Boon is one of the lucky ones who managed to break out of the vicious cycle.

Crime offenders are not just getting younger but also more aggressive, preferring “high-risk, big-gain” offences to petty crime, psychologist and criminologist Dr Geshina Ayu Mat Saat observes.

“Influenced by the glamorous lifestyles of local and foreign celebrities, movies and social networking on the Internet, more youngsters are purposely exposing themselves to criminal activities. Their level of aggression (as seen in the severity of their crimes) is today almost on par with their adult counterparts,” adds Dr Geshina, who is with Universiti Sains Malaysia’s Forensic Science Programme.

Her interviews with juveniles indicate that they see involvement in serious crimes as more exciting because they get a sense of power and higher monetary reward.

“Their logic is, why get involved in petty thefts when distributing drugs provides more money? There’s also an element of ignorance as to the punitive consequences of their actions to themselves and their families.”

Why so violent? 

There are many reasons for aggressive and violent behaviour.

Research has shown that there are the psychological and biological aspects, family dynamics, peer pressure, economic reasons, lack of morality and religiosity and environmental cues at play, Dr Geshina notes.

“There’s no one single ‘formula’ to identify the reasons for violent actions but the dominant determinant is having an anti-social personality which has been shaped during childhood,” she says.

Psychologist and family therapist Datuk Dr Mat Saat Baki finds teenagers and young adults more violent and sexually aggressive these days. Society should shoulder some blame, he says.

“Teenagers are getting more difficult to control because nowadays, society accepts violence as a way of life and a means of getting what you want. Take video games, for example. What’s popular in the market are video games that send the message: the more you kill, the higher you score,” he says, citing the easy access to violent pornographic material as another example.

“Exposure to pornography that glorifies the forced physical act of raping a girl sends the message that the more you control and dominate, the better you are. This can even result in forceful sex in relationships.”

He adds that youngsters are more brazen when they are acting in a group as they reassure and encourage each other to behave in a particular way.

“For instance, in a gang rape situation, they could be daring each other to ‘do it’ or (as a group), they want to punish a girl who has spurned the advances of one of their friends. Add drugs or alcohol into the mix, and the violence just escalates without them even realising it – it can get very dangerous, very fast,” he explains.

Safety activist K. Balasupramaniam says young criminals are not a new phenomenon but the gravity of the crimes and modus operandi are.

Young criminals are noticeably more advanced these days because of their Internet-savvy ways.

Having trained over 260,000 women from all walks of life in urban survival skills to date, he notes that Gen Y criminals have unlimited technological know-how thanks to the World Wide Web.

“Everything is at their fingertips – the latest technologies are a click away.

“They can buy almost any weapon online while CSI episodes and movies show them how crimes can be committed creatively.

“Unlike in the old days, we are not dealing with bicycle thefts any more. Young criminals have moved on to serious offences because they are an IT-savvy generation,” he says, adding that even children as young as nine now have Facebook and are able to see and copy what the adults are doing.

However, unlike adults who may think twice before committing an illegal act, juveniles won’t because they know that the law will be lenient with them.

He says the trend of movies portraying bad guys as heroes is also a problem.

“We are dealing with fast learners who are savvy in committing knowledge-based crimes. If nothing is done to curb this breed of young criminals, I fear the worst when Gen Z comes along.”

Dr Geshina, who works with many agencies including the police, is currently doing a holistic study of juvenile behaviour.

Her research aims to determine the reasons for juvenile involvement in crime, their profiles and contri­buting factors, and to chart criminal pathways based on adult criminal behaviour.

“One element in our study is aggressive behaviour,” she says. “The levels (of their aggressiveness) are also higher compared with normal members of the public.” The study is slated for completion by the end of the year.

Nipping crime in the bud 

Education and family intimacy are ways to curb aggression, violent and criminal behaviour, Dr Mat Saat opines. For example, in the case of rape, teenagers must be taught to cope with their sexual desires and peer pressure.

“They must know how to express themselves and channel their sexual energy in a proper, non-violent manner,” he says.

Stressing on the importance of sex education, he says it’s a misconception to claim that it teaches students to sleep around.

“On the contrary, sex education is important because it shows youngsters how to love, care, respect and relate to each other. It is about the art of living and includes topics like fertility and relationships,” he says.

He says it’s not enough for parents to inculcate good values in their kids.

“You need to monitor your children’s behaviour and the crowd they mix with because, ultimately, no matter what you teach them, it’s their choice to act in a certain way,” he stresses.

“Parents are good at giving guidelines but enforcement is another thing. Teenagers will say ‘I know better’ and they will seek validation from their peers and check for themselves to see if what you’ve said is acceptable.

“Parenting now is very different from the old days so you need to change your approach.”

Balasupramaniam emphasises strong family bonds and civic consciousness to prevent a young breed of criminals from booming.

Describing civic consciousness as the “antibody to crime”, he says the police omnipresence is not a long-term solution.

“You cannot stop the Internet and you definitely cannot stop access to knowledge – good or bad, so we need to bring back the days when kids were trained to do the right thing,” he says.

Dr Geshina believes negligent and abusive styles of parenting also increase children’s risk of exposure to crime.

Older criminals and criminal gangs seek out vulnerable youngsters, she opines.

Children in the above situations are “willing to be involved in gangs either because it’s where they can get tender, loving care and acceptance or because their parents simply can’t be bothered with what they are doing,” she says.

Advising parents to play their part in not exposing their children to criminal elements, Dr Geshina says there are “potential criminal” signs and behavioural patterns parents should look out for in their children.

Look out for a drastic change in behaviour, bringing or hiding different sets of clothes that are inconsistent with the reason cited for leaving the house, she says.

“A common sign is withdrawal from family activities, playing truant or skipping classes. (Instead of being with the family) they prefer to spend more time, including at night, with their peers or older children.”

Another tell-tale sign is when the value of the child’s belongings are more than what the parents can afford.

Mood swings, abnormal sleeping and speech patterns, among others, may indicate drug use.

The way children behave with others can also indicate bullying and anti-social behaviour.

“If your children are behaving more aggressively and want to hurt others, don’t engage in aggressive confrontations and hurl accusations. It will only make them less likely to cooperate and want to rebel by getting even more involved in crime.

“There are better ways to address problematic behaviour but parents should have been more aware from the onset so that criminal involvement does not occur in the first place,” she says.

Mother-of-four K. T. Yew, 56, admits to being overly protective of her four daughters but believes she has no choice as more youngsters are in the news lately for serious crimes.

“Every other day, I read about serious crimes being committed. Many of those arrested are so young, some are still in their teens,” she notes.

She makes it a point to tell her daughters, the youngest of whom is 17, of crime reports and repeatedly warns them to be selective of the company they keep.

“I’m very strict but ultimately, it’s they who must differentiate between what’s right and wrong. I can only hope that the values I’ve instilled in them will keep them safe,” she says

By CHRISTINA CHIN The Star/Asia News Network

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Why do some youngers resort to extreme violence?

Child serial killers”, “Kids murdering their parents” – these are the headlines we are increasingly seeing in the news.

Last month, a 19-year-old Japanese teenager allegedly killed and dismembered his mother because he did not like her apparently, and also because he wanted to know more about dissection.

It’s shocking that a teen who is still considered a minor under Japanese law would resort to murder for something as mundane as “not liking his mum”. I’m sure we have all disliked our parents at some point of our lives but letting that be the reason to do away with someone who gave birth to you in cold blood is absurd.

Two other recent cases of alleged parental murder and harm were sparked by computer use and gaming.

The first, reported in China Daily (chinadaily.com.cn), happened in Ziyang, Sichuan province. The 14-year-old boy is said to have mixed farm chemicals into the family’s cooking oil, which led to his parents, elder brother and sister-in-law suffering stomach problems and vomiting. The boy later confessed to his crime and said he was upset over his mother banning him from playing computer games.

Another 18-year-old boy – from Yuen Long village in Hong Kong – was arrested on suspicion of stabbing his father to death and wounding his mother. According to a source at the scene, a fight had broken out when his father tried to stop him from playing video games.

Why has it become so “normal” for teens to solve problems with violence?

In New Mexico in the United States, 15-year-old Nehemiah Griego allegedly shot his parents and three younger siblings in January. The incident left the public wondering how a sweet, home-schooled teen described as a doting older brother – who has no history of violence or anti-social behaviour – could commit such an act.

According to a New York Daily News report (nydailynews.com), Griego appeared “unemotional” when confessing to the murders but turned animated when discussing his favourite violent video games.

Could it be, then, that overexposure to blatant violence in the video games caused him to “go rogue” and violently kill his family?

It’s not unreasonable to assume that repeated exposure to violence on television and in games might have an impact on youth development. It is true that exposure to violent media results in desensitisation to violence. Furthermore, media violence rarely shows the consequences of violence.

However, the media-violence link isn’t as simple as a headline would have us believe. The teens’ personality is a major factor in determining whether screen aggression will lead to aggression in the real world. A recent article in the Review Of General Psychology journal asserts that exposure to violent media has a much greater impact on those who are more emotionally reactive and less agreeable, careful and disciplined than their peers.

In addition, teens who are isolated and have few connections to healthy adults and a lack of identity and purpose (what one of the researchers, J. Kevin Cameron, calls “empty vessels”) are at higher risk of identifying with perpetrators of violence in television and video games, and might therefore be more likely to engage in violent behaviour.

This conclusion seems more plausible than the notion that violent media invariably leads to an increase in violent behaviour.

Therefore, it makes sense to limit exposure to media violence, but it is not realistic to completely shield our teens from it. Parents should be aware of the TV programmes, movies and video games consumed by their teens. Talking to teens about the things that they see on the screen is also important.

However, I believe the bottom line is to build a strong relationship with our teens. It is this meaningful connection with our teens that will enable them to empathise with others and make sense of what they watch on screen.

If you notice your teens exhibiting signs of anti-social behaviour or a sudden change in their lifestyle and behavioural patterns, find a way to talk to them so it won’t reach a point where they just “snap”.

On the other hand, we, as parents, must recognise that we may not always have all the answers. Whenever we are in doubt, we should seek professional help, so that situations do not turn too “dangerous”.


TEENS & TWEENS
By CHARIS PATRICK

Charis Patrick is a trainer and family life educator who is married with four children. Email her at star2@thestar.com.my.

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